@jilleb163: I didn't realize how many of the songs on my iPod are about sex and drugs until I hit "shuffle" in a car with a 12-year-old in it.
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@SamuelHLowe: When my girlfriend sends me to the supermarket to get cucumbers I also buy Vaseline so the cashier doesn't think I'm a vegan.
@timdonakowski: Me: Siri, did you know millions of people misquote you on Twitter every day? Siri: Tim, I want your polish sausage.