@PanicRestroom: I didn't say you are fat, I just said that going out with you feels like going on a double date
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@gato_fumando: i'll have a burg please [waiter looks confused] a burg. a meat frisbee. a seared bovine disc. a hamburger sandwich. a bunned beefling my man
@Reverend_Scott: Obama: Wave at the people, Joe. Biden: IMMA POINT AT'EM Obama: Please just wave. Biden:
@68Cly29: The embarrassing moment when you bring handcuffs to 'gamenight' and she brings Monopoly.
@causticbob: I went to a fortune teller and he told me a lot of money was coming my way. I walked out really excited, then I got hit by a Securicor van.