@PanicRestroom: I didn't say you are fat, I just said that going out with you feels like going on a double date
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@VaguelyFunnyDan: Ate shrooms & I feel nothing. Just an awful taste in my mouth. Also the dealer overcharged me. Also he's a centaur with spiders for lips
@GensPlace: We took the animals for a walk and saw a sign: 'Dogging area, please control your animal and pick up their faces...'
@Pro_Jones_: Me: Boss our sales are really going updog. Boss: You mean up? Me: No, updog. Boss: What's updog? Me: Not our sales. We're bankrupt.
@manwhohasitall: Wife online? Kids asleep? Time to relax & unwind with a damp cloth and a bottle of multi-surface cleaner. 'Me time'.