@jpbrammer: I didn’t see myself reflected in media until the 100 goats of mysterious origin appeared and started eating indiscriminately
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@Mr_Kapowski: [magician rolls over in bed] "Last night was amazing" Woman: Magical. Make me breakfast? Magician: [waves magic wand, eats her]
@LousyLibrarian: I understand why this patron is so upset. His plan -- to come to the library on the last day of tax season and expect to find someone there who would promptly file his taxes for him -- seemed, admittedly, foolproof.
@pbear79: A woman with questionable hygiene, no teeth, and an eye patch asked me if I was looking for a date.. Long story short, picking her up at 7.