@dixinormus10: I didn't think it was possible to travel 10 years back in time until I got into an argument with my wife.
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@BoozeWallet: [walking through park with date] Did u know there's more vitamin C in pine needles than in an orange [blood is just pouring from my mouth]
@geowizzacist: 3 (calls out): daddy I'm cleaning the floor with a mob. Me: you mean a mop? (enters to see 100 people licking the floor) no ok that's a mob
@CorkyKneivel: I can't get her off my mind, even the wind seems to whisper her name. Never fall in love with a girl named WHOOSHEE FFREWERRREFSHH.