@dixinormus10: I didn't think it was possible to travel 10 years back in time until I got into an argument with my wife.
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@KentWGraham: After announcing our weight at birth, parents shouldn’t stop. If they announced it at every birthday, we’d all be a lot skinnier.
@LLCoolJeffrey: Hobbies include: 1. Crying about the past 2. Procrastinating in the present 3. Worrying about the future
@velvettusk: If you held a gun to my head and forced me to choose Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man or Andrew Garfield's, I'd probably shit my pants.
@JazzJazzybc: Lord, give me patience because if you give me strength then I'm gonna need some bail money on the side.