@dixinormus10: I didn't think it was possible to travel 10 years back in time until I got into an argument with my wife.
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@joeljeffrey: My girlfriend said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on... I dont get women.
@buhsbaby_baby: I feel like auto-correct should know by now that I'd never ask anyone to "jazz" all over my face.
@B_poling82: Hello, welcome to the evening news, where we're going to scare the shit out of you for 45 minutes, then weather & sports. Stay tuned.