@JermHimselfish: I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential.
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@HysteriaBarbie: I like to put my passengers as ease by pointing out where all the airbags are. Ending the safety message with "Just in case I crash again"
@TheAlexP: A rabbit has a father who has a big hair care product empire and wonders if one day his child will become the Hair heir hare.
@BradBroaddus: I overheard my neighbor tell someone on the phone that I was creepy. I was so mad I almost crawled out from under the bed & confronted her.
@SomeChrisTweets: HELLO, 911? I'M FALLING DOWN AN ELEVATOR SHAFT. YES, RIGHT NOW. VERY SLOWLY, THAT'S HOW. HOLD ON, SOMEONE JOINED. WHOA, NOW WE'RE FALLING UP