@JermHimselfish: I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential.
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@WilliamRodgers: *Reads about a Salmonella outbreak on lettuce -NEVER eats Salad again! *Reads about the dangers of Alcohol poisoning -NEVER reads again!
@juneohara65: I just got a text from someone I don't know. They say they're sick and vomitting. Should I tell them that vomitting only has one T?
@notalogin: The average person swallows 8 spiders in their sleep but it's actually one guy who's chowing down like 7500 a night to make the numbers work