@DevilryFun: I do my best speed walking when I'm trying to beat another customer to the checkout at the liquor store.
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@FatherWithTwins: I can tell my 5yo will make a great politician someday by the way he uses other kids as human shields in dodgeball.
@ZGhaoN: Whale: Hey did you hear I have a new girlfriend? She's aaall over me it's crazy. Eel: For the last time barnacles don't count as girlfriends
@birbigs: Russian skater just explained that he is "not a robot," proving, of course, that he is a robot. #Olympics