@sarcasticmommy4: I do this really cute thing, where if I walk by a car that has a stick figure family on their back window, I peel a kid off.
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@Bob_Heller: I have a dream that my son will one day live in a nation where he will not be judged by the size of his boat but by the motion of his ocean.
@SuperApple8: If Ryan Gosling doesn't ask me to be his valentine, I'm moving on. This ship has sailed. This ball has sunk. This fart has flatulated.
@TheAlexNevil: 2017 Resolution: spend more quality time with my son *son begins describing his 500 new Pokémon cards* Well, there's always next year
@TheTweetOfGod: Since yesterday was the National Day of Prayer, today must be the National Day of Disappointment.