@abhorrent_wife: I don't always try to use big words but when I do, I accidentally tell a mother her toddler was a necrophiliac today instead of narcoleptic.
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@TheCatWhisprer: My toddler just threw her teddy bear out of her crib like she works for United Airlines.
@deardilettante: The only good thing about people who wear too much cologne is that they're easier to set on fire.
@topaz_kell: Exposing myself to different cultures has an entirely different meaning than I thought. *puts trench coat back on*