@Carbosly: I don't care about Disney lying about my Prince Charming. I'm more pissed about forest creatures and their unwillingness to clean my house.
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@Reverend_Scott: ME: Can you stop the car here? I wanna pet the dogs at that animal shelter. ARRESTING OFFICER: No.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You're supposed to be taking a nap 4-year-old: I am Me: Then why are you standing here? 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: This is a dream
@cynicanoldicus: The ex wife once told me her greatest fantasy was kneeling in front of me while I spurted all over her. She never mentioned it was my blood.
@philyuck: The Molotov cocktail is of course named after Vitaly Molotov, an 18th century Russian industrialist who exploded after being thrown at a car