@pekin83: I don't get how people still get attacked by sharks. DON'T THEY HEAR THE MUSIC?
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@AimeeHelene1: Instead of a jar to collect change for vacation, I'm going to start one for bail money, for when it flip out on stupid people in public.
@ArfMeasures: Cop: We've found the man who stole your identity and was impersonating you Me: Where was he? Cop: Eating Cheetos and crying in his car Me *impressed* he really went for it
@EndhooS: [1st day at Subway] Boss: u said u'd done this before Me: [painting myself in marinara sauce] I'm really more of an abstract sandwich artist