@pekin83: I don't get how people still get attacked by sharks. DON'T THEY HEAR THE MUSIC?
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@AndyAsAdjective: This is probably a controversial take but I think the sanitation worker responsible for garbage collection on Sesame Street should be fired.
@iAmDelFreaky: Haha! My mom said I can't use my phone at the dinner table. I'm a grown... This is Del's mom, he'll be back after he eats his dinner.
@TeaPartyCat: An Ohio judge ruled gay marriage legal, as long as the person is dead, proving that the slippery slope now includes gay necrophila.
@Carbosly: Apparently saying "If you think your wife is fat now, wait till she has the baby" is not a good way to congratulate someone.