@AntozWolf: I don't get it. Rock beats scissors but no one says shit about running with them.
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@dysalexia: Pulled out all of my eyelashes so I can make more wishes. 1st wish: MONEY! 2nd wish: FRIENDS! 3rd wish: eyelashes :(
@Mr_Kapowski: Lawyer: Zack’s will has allocated money for two headstones *my wife dabs the corners of her eyes with a tissue* Lawyer: The first one shall just read HEADSTONE. The second will be placed 6 feet away and read FEETSTONE
@charliedelta7: Hot girls on Twitter: Single and straight: 3% Lesbians: 12% Taken and straight: 15% Men: 70%