@SlabBaconBP: I don't hate my job. I just really enjoy curling up in a ball and sobbing under a blanket in the backseat of my car during lunch.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Which cup do you want? 2-year-old: That one! Me: Let's pick a different one. 2-year-old: No! *drinks milk from a shot glass*
@MrsGoose69: Dear Alcohol, we had a deal. u were suppose 2 make me funnier, smarter & put me in a good mood.... I saw the photos - we need to talk.
@TheRolo: Hey guurl. "Hey there." Feeling lonely tonight? "I have a boyfriend." Why are you talking to me then? "You haven't taken my order yet."