@SlabBaconBP: I don't hate my job. I just really enjoy curling up in a ball and sobbing under a blanket in the backseat of my car during lunch.
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@SamuelHLowe: She invited me over for a romantic dinner and told me I was the dessert. I wanted ice cream.
@erinmallorylong: I get very stressed out when characters in movies are told a rapid-fire list of things to do and don't write it down.
@JustDontBugMe: M&M Customer service rep: How may I help you today? Me: I'm just furious right now! I paid good money for a bag of M&M's and all I got was this bag full of W's! I want my money back! Rep: Ma'am, please calm down. It's ok. Just flip it upside down Me: well this is embarrassing