@SlabBaconBP: I don't hate my job. I just really enjoy curling up in a ball and sobbing under a blanket in the backseat of my car during lunch.
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@aka_fatman: Morpheus: If you take the red pill, I will show you what the Matrix is. Neo: *ingests pill* Whoa. Morpheus: It's also a powerful laxative.
@david8hughes: "Have u seen my cat?" "I saw a cat down the road?" "Really? [shows me a picture] was it this cat?" "No, the one I saw was dead."
@welltbh: why are clothes so expensive???? i should not have to pay this much to not be naked. people should pay ME to not be naked
@Awesome_Todd: Never run with scissors. Unless... • You stole them • You're running a 400 meter scissor relay • You're being chased by giant paper dolls