@SocialustGal13: I don't hate you. Hate is such a strong word. I just want to tickle your brain with this ice pick.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: On your first day as a new parent, walk up to your baby and cry louder than it to assert your dominance.
@MatCro: Me: "Aw, your baby is cute. How old?" Woman: "Thanks, she's 34 weeks. Do you have the time?" Me: "Sure, it's 972 minutes past midnight."
@SaltyCorpse: Toilet paper folded into a triangle in a hotel does nothing for me except remind me that someone touched the tp I need to use.