@SocialustGal13: I don't hate you. Hate is such a strong word. I just want to tickle your brain with this ice pick.
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@BadJordon: [ER] HIPSTER: I fell off my acoustic motorcycle & broke my mustache twirler. DOC:… H: I fell off my bike & broke my hand. D: Rub kale on it.
@Thynebear: [first date at a chinese restaurant] "So are you more of a dog or a cat person?" *reading menu* I was thinking orange chicken but you do you
@buhsbaby_baby: Me: I LOVE Pokémon Go! Him: Are you just collecting caterpillars and putting them in your purse?! Me:
@TedInModeration: Dude on the street corner was like $5 for a sandwich? And he didn't even have a sandwich is why I have trust issues