@SocialustGal13: I don't hate you. Hate is such a strong word. I just want to tickle your brain with this ice pick.
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@phaggots: [texting my girlfriend] wyd? "Just finished my homework" Cool, Send a pic (; ? *gf sends a nude* Ewww wtf!! i meant of your homework!
@jergarl: Me: I'm so tired I need to sleep. Ambien: Here I'll help... Hey don't forget to take off your clothes and pretend that you're snow! Me: K
@jazmasta: *i get on a rollercoaster with my washing machine* "Hold tight son...WAIT! If u are here then.." *son is at home w/ a mouth full of laundry*