@JuanSalton: I don't have a drinking problem, I'm very good at it
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@novicefather: I like it soft and warm. Uh huh. Yea girl, go ahead and throw that figgy pudding in the microwave for a bit.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [CPR dummy coming home from work] WIFE: is that lipstick on your face? who’s been *does the air quotes gesture* ‘resuscitating’ you today huh? DUMMY: for the last time Carol it’s my job
@illiter8too: Murder is justifiable if it's against a person who calls you and hands their phone off to another person with whom you didn't wish to speak.
@ScorpionDong: What do we want? -SHITTY MUSIC COMPILATIONS! When do we want them? -NOW! THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUSIC