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@JuanSalton: I don't have a drinking problem, I'm very good at it
@realHamOnWry: It just seems crazy that the final apocalypse could be started by a guy who says "You're fired" every time he launches a nuke.
@ComedicBust: New Years Resolutions:
1. Lose weight
2. Volunteer work
3. Lie about 1 and 2
@obviousplant_: Last-minute gift idea!
@Aspersioncast: We should call them Whether Men, because they don't know whether or not it's going to rain, get it? That's a good one.
@litfirebird: A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm.
So I peed on her