@juliussharpe: I don't have a problem with steroids in sports since I think anyone who can give themselves a shot is the bravest person in the world.
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@ShalyahEvans: Henry VIII would be glad to know that in a post-Game Of Thrones world he actually seems pretty chill
@onion_an: Wife: Who is it? Me [hand over phone]: The police, they say it's now illegal to fake throw a ball Dog in other room: [hangs up his phone]
@waydybee: Finally goes to open-mic night. gets on stage. bombs so badly gets arrested for terrorism. #BucketListFails
@sixfootcandy: Librarian: Shhh! Me: Shh! Librarian: Shh! Me: Shh! Librarian: *glares at me* Me: Look lady, I can do this all day.