@raniao2011: I don't hold grudges or plot for revenge, I will simply send a bunch of Jehovah's witnesses to your door...on a daily basis.
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@buhsbaby_baby: Me: I LOVE Pokémon Go! Him: Are you just collecting caterpillars and putting them in your purse?! Me:
@Lowenaffchen: Glue a tiny mirror over your driver's license photo so when you hand it to the cops they get confused and start arresting themselves instead
@NervousJr: The same woman who said "I'm your mom not your friend" has sent me 17 Facebook friend requests.
@ericsshadow: FBI: If you testify you'll have to go into the Witness Protection Program ME: I'll do it FBI: Your wife and kids too ME: Oh ok never mind