@raniao2011: I don't hold grudges or plot for revenge, I will simply send a bunch of Jehovah's witnesses to your door...on a daily basis.
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@ojedge: Do you, Karen, take David the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better... or worse? Better... or worse?
@VapingSonic: Cashier: sir the conveyor belt isn't meant for riding Me: I- I gotta know Cashier: know what? Me: *sighs* what I'm really worth. scan me
@DrCephalopod: Son: I want a LEGO Millennium Falcon for Christmas Me: *checking price online* would you settle for the actual Millennium Falcon?
@TweetPotato314: [Review] Boss: We’ll be giving you the company car *yawns* Me: A car! B: Sorry, I meant company card *sneezes* M: Well, a card’s still cool. B: Sorry again, It’s the company cardigan. M: Ok, I’m a medium. B: Then you should have known it was a sweater the whole time.