@Coastiefish: I don't know the lyrics to any of Pitbull's songs, but in my defense, I'm not really convinced he does either.
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@TrueTorontoGirl: Employee: Everything I eat goes right through me. Me: Yup, that's how digestion works.
@FatherofTweet: Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [first date] OK don't let her know you're a snail Waiter: Would you like some salt? [flips table over] OH HELL NO [bolts out real slowly]
@jwoodham: Texting wasn't always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You better click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.