@Coastiefish: I don't know the lyrics to any of Pitbull's songs, but in my defense, I'm not really convinced he does either.
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@DamienFahey: Please pray for my friends' 4-year-old. They found out today 7 minutes of his life wasn't photographed or videotaped and put on Facebook.
@EndhooS: [Job interview] Me: [thinking] I hope he doesn't notice the mustard on my shirt Interviewer: [thinking] Is he eating a fkn hotdog?
@ryaninco: There's three cop cars in the parking lot of my gym. This might be my last Tweet for a little while.
@jakob_huber: It saddens me that the closest my car will ever get to being a Transformer is when I fold in the side mirrors.