@Jam453Lane: I don't know what I drank last night, but the vacuum is stuck on top of the house.
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@RobbieGramer: Trumps’ “VOICE” Hotline set up for people to report on crime from illegal aliens was reportedly overloaded with calls about space aliens
@clarkekant: Ask your doctor if an unnecessary over-prescribed medication so he can get kickbacks from a pharmaceutical company is right for you.
@MrGeorgeWallace: Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance.
@mactx85: I just now realized the guy at the urinal that complemented my watch might not have actually just been looking at my watch.