@Jam453Lane: I don't know what I drank last night, but the vacuum is stuck on top of the house.
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@kumailn: "And remember to talk to everyone like they're a 3rd grader." - flight attendant manual
@RegularFred: I was banned from guitar class because of an inappropriate reaction to "let's practice your fingering technique"
@cheeky__gal: A poltergeist was moving furniture around the house, and I really love what he's done with the place.