@MJMcKean: I don't know who the pun editor of the NY Post is, but the headline PEACHES' DEATH IS STILL FUZZY deserves a citation and/or beating.
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@Douchekevin: Wife said she was 'retaining water' and I said I'd wondered who drained the swimming pool. Been 4 days and I'm still hiding in the attic
@Brampersandon_: [being a caddy at the masters] GOLFER: *crouched down lining up his putt* ME (whispering in his ear): whatcha lookin at? a bug?
@TheRobCee: "Hey, let's make the inside of this building & every square inch of everyone & everything smell like THIS." -inventor of incense
@desusnice: i love that kanye gets into very specific beefs with ppl i have to google but he's nice enough to say both their first & last name