@causticbob: I don't know who you are, but I will find you and I will kill you.
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@Ristolable: I like my women like I like my coffee. I look at coffee but I am afraid to talk to it
@themorris23: Is it just me, or do toasters have like 4 settings too many? They should have 1 setting that reads: "Toast"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: The sign at this gas station says "turn engine off" so I catcalled my engine and its cute friend from across the street.
@hippieswordfish: THERAPIST: how do you feel ME: with my hands THERAPIST: no, like on the inside ME: ohhh...idk probably kinda squishy and weird