@causticbob: I don't know who you are, but I will find you and I will kill you.
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@missrobotnik: The ladies in my knitting club think it's hilarious when I greet them by saying, "Sup, my knittas?!"
@dafloydsta: [boarding plane] ME: Shotgun! COPILOT: Can he do that? PILOT: Looks like you're in economy today, Ted. COPILOT: *clenching fists* Damnit.
@lovemydogduck: My son's method of Laundry: If it's clean it's on the floor. If it's dirty then it goes on the floor over there.