@GaryJanetti: I don't know why Russia is so homophobic. Most of the women there look like men anyway.
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@girl_a_whirl: [invasion] *aircrafts dropping from the sky *explosions everywhere *mass hysteria Me scrolling phone: Where was that alien invader gif?
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Where were you supposed to poop? 2-year-old: The potty. Me: So why didn’t you? 2: I’m too busy.