@GaryJanetti: I don't know why Russia is so homophobic. Most of the women there look like men anyway.
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@ibid78: CASHIER: is there anything else I can help you with? ME: *pulls out my trigonometry homework from 1995* yes, yes there is
@Storminika: Instead of sending friends Christmas cards, is it ok If I return the ones I got and just add the words "Me too"?
@SeinfeldToday: George refuses to date a woman when he sees her on 2 different dating apps. G:”It’s too desperate.” J:”How’d you find out?” G:”I’m on both."
@murrman5: [typing autopsy report after lunch] weird, seems the killer spilled some coffee and part of a sandwich inside the victim