@GaryJanetti: I don't know why Russia is so homophobic. Most of the women there look like men anyway.
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@AdderallMomma: Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas.
@Kyle_Lippert: "How'd you die?" "I got shot trying to save my fellow soldiers lives in war. You?" "I got trampled trying to save on a flat screen" "Oh.."
@iGreenMonk: I'm so embarrassed. I just learned that that Pringles holder on my treadmill is for water bottles!
@pplwtching: Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.