@HatfieldAnne: I don't know. “Your goose is cooked” seems like a positive. Like someone saying, “Hey, dinner’s ready. We're having goose.”
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@koalaslament: [on a date] *showing her pics of my pet lizards* ME: "and I named this one Queen Elizardbeth" HER: "I must have sex with you immediately"
@trumpetcake: Just realized that the group therapy I attended weekly for three years was actually the waiting room of a local optometrist.
@jennyjaffe: "Tender and mild" is a great way to describe chicken and a TERRIBLE way to describe a holy infant.