@Grind_n_Roll: I don't like dictatorships. All dictators should be shot, and if anybody disagrees with me, they should be shot as well.
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@kristendrum: the cashier at Petsmart just told me I smell really good which would be a compliment if my competition wasn't a bunch of dogs and gerbils
@huntigula: why pay kristen stewart millions of dollars when a cardboard cutout of kristen stewart will give the exact same performance for free
@TEXASVETERAN: Fortune teller said my boss would suffer a deadly accident. But, I already knew that. I needed to know if the police would figure it out.
@QwertyJones3: [First day working in a warehouse] ME: What's that machine for? "Oh, that's the forklift" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS??