@samalmightysam: I don't like to brag about going to expensive places, but I just went to the gas station.
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@Xoolun: A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
@the_moonface: Maybe if we start smacking people when they say something stupid, evolution will eventually create a delay between thinking and speaking.
@dafloydsta: WIFE: Please take the trash out ME: Ok *later that night* ME: I'm having a nice time TRASH: Wow, the food here is spicy AF
@InternetHippo: SUPERHERO: I alienate my loved ones to protect them from danger ME: Me too, that’s also my reason