@samalmightysam: I don't like to brag about going to expensive places, but I just went to the gas station.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@BakedBrotatoes: Girls are just like pasta. Throw her against the wall, if she sticks, she's ready.
@chrisanna4real: Twitter is like a soap opera for some of you. I'd like to be the one who sneaks into the hospital and unplugs your life support.
@Brampersandon_: INTERVIEWER: what do you consider your greatest strength ME: ... INTERVIEWER: ... ME (38 minutes later): I'd say promptness
@sarcasm_inc: I would dress like Batman more often, but I cant run the risk of giant aliens invading and mistaking me for a large Pez dispenser.