@SuperApple80: I don’t mean to brag but I don’t have to stare at my phone to walk into things.
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@BiIIMurray: I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
@shegotagronk: Complimented Taylor Swift on her shirt yesterday and now she's in a tree outside my window with a guitar and a wedding dress. Send.Help.Now.
@OctopusCavemann: [Audition for the musical Cats] Director: Act like a cat for me Me: I’m not doing anything to impress you Director: Perfect