@DirtMcTurd: I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes
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@QwertyJones3: I just battle rapped my 4 year-old and rhymed "take a nap" with "piece of crap" so don't tell me about your parenting skills.
@trevso_electric: I don't have bumper stickers because I don't believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
@Ideal_Victoria: Me: This is the year I'm going to save money. Also me: *googles, "how to purchase a baby elephant?"*