@DirtMcTurd: I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
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@daemonic3: JESUS: [walks on water] JUDAS: Actually, the body is 60% water so it's only 40% miracle JESUS: You're killing me, Judas JUDAS: Actually..
@kyry5: The reason I switched from a backpack to a messenger bag is so that I look more classy and professional carrying nothing but snacks to work.
@Thedudish: My neighbor's dog is so popular that every time he barks, the neighborhood dogs RT him.
@shariv67: You can blame those "meddling kids" all you want. But let's face it. Your entire plan was to dress up like a ghost.