@DirtMcTurd: I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
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@zachreinert03: Just saw a woman getting 'running lessons' with rubber bands & a head gear. Pffft, I could've taught her for free and with only a chainsaw
@LeBearGirdle: Nurse: Doctor this man needs an IV! Roman Empire doctor: OF WHAT? HE NEEDS 4 OF WHAT?!