@meganamram: I don't need to watch the debates, I read a bumper sticker the other day that totally convinced me
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@JohnLyonTweets: Three things you should not watch being made are sausages, laws, and your little brother.
@FunkyFresh_79: Operator: 911 what's your emergency? Me: PEOPLE ARE TAGGING ME IN PICTURES ON FACEBOOK AND I'M NOT EVEN IN THEM!
@dumbbeezie: No I don't want to watch the video on your phone. My phone doesn't like me looking at other phones.
@pixelatedboat: "They call me Mr Six Hours," I told her, trying to make it sound like a sex thing not the amount of time my head was stuck in a beehive for