@debon7: I don't sit crossed legged to be classy, I'm holding my tampon in
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@TheBeerGuy73: My ex texted "You've got a friend in me. XoXo". I thought she was being too nice until I realized that she was talking about my buddy Dave.
@Smooheed: 'Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?'
@gruffybeard: 9: Daddy, wanna hear something cool? Me: Sure! 9: *tells story* Me: Ok, well clearly we need to work on how you define "something cool".