@TheCatWhisprer: I don't think the Care Bears get enough street cred for shaving their stomachs & tattooing them with happy things.
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@AGreaterMonster: My mom sent me a two paragraph email to inform me that she had called customer service and received $17 off her flight to see me.
@slennonhugs: once while i was camping in Florida a raccoon got in my car and long story short if you see a raccoon driving a 97 Saturn Wagon DM me
@patrickmarkryan: Two drivers crash into each other. They both finish writing their texts before getting out of their cars to inspect the damage
@NOTVIKING: date: i think my eyebrows are my worst feature me: [trying to compliment her] not true, you have many worse features