@Underchilde: I don’t think Twitter’s real. I think I’m in a mall in 1987 listening to “I Think We’re Alone Now” & my mind invented Twitter to protect me.
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@JElvisWeinstein: My brain knows that there's a guy doing work on my roof today, but my nervous system keeps acting like the house is under attack.
@OreoSpeedwagon_: Never judge Darth Vader's parenting abilities harshly when we live in a world where Toddlers In Tiaras exists.
@SolelyB: My husband is going to be so surprised when he finds out the woman I've been sleeping with is way hotter than his girlfriend.