@Underchilde: I don’t think Twitter’s real. I think I’m in a mall in 1987 listening to “I Think We’re Alone Now” & my mind invented Twitter to protect me.
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@JediGigi: Mom said I should only date "a good man" and I was like HEAVENS TO BETSY I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS PERTINENT INFORMATION BEFORE NOW.
@KrunkedRobot: Got drunk and did my taxes, i am getting back 1 zillion dollars, 2 slaves, and somehow the state of Rhode Island, this can't be right.
@mochanya: I've always heard that ignorance is bliss. My question: Exactly, how ignorant do I have to be before I find bliss?
@SadieSkyNinja: I love going to the gym this time of year because I'm a perfect example of what years of neglect and nachos can do to a body.