@Underchilde: I don’t think Twitter’s real. I think I’m in a mall in 1987 listening to “I Think We’re Alone Now” & my mind invented Twitter to protect me.
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@Deirdreocx: [Courtroom] Judge: Have you been up before me? Convict: I don't know, Judge. What time were you up this morning?
@MollySneed: "I'm glad you're so normal. It's refreshing." "That's me- totally normal!" *waves off mariachi band waiting in the wings*
@OutOnTheMoors: Friend showed me all the pics taken from the drone he got for Christmas, so I won't be renting the cottage on their farm after all.