@TheDairylandDon: I don't trust the so-called "mainstream media." I get news from ouija boards and an angry owl living in the woods on the outskirts of town.
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@dave_cactus: [HONK HONK] ...one more honk and I'm gonna... [HONK] *gets out of my car* *walks to the car behind me* *feeds the driver's goose some bread*
@XplodingUnicorn: Failed long-term relationships are never a total waste. They teach you valuable life skills, like how to carve profanity into car paint.
@cool_pond: replace the chair in the Oval Office w/slightly bigger chair every day for next 4 yrs til trump looks tiny + his feet don't touch the ground
@SteveDutzy: Zelda: Why aren't you mowing the lawn? Link: It's raining Z: No it's not L: *Plays Song of Storms* Z: You're sleeping with Epona tonight