@Mister_Gravity: I don't understand the big hubbub about missing divers. They're probably just underwater.
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@ahoytheboat: my criminal record is only clean because of how fast i can run with my pants around my ankles.
@Dirty_Naomi: I sleep with a knife under my bed in case I can't open my midnight snacks. It also comes in handy if people try to steal them.
@FlyJ_: My neighbor is a real douche & always cheating on his wife, so I changed my wifi to KARL IS CHEATING ON YOU AMY for when she needs my wifi.
@Jandalize: People who say 'be careful what you wish for' have obviously never wished for free, unprotected, unlimited wifi from their neighbor.