@imdaintyaf: I don't want anti-wrinkle cream, I want a serum that bestows wrinkles upon my enemies.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: Me: *grabs a donut from conference room* Incredible powerpoint, Greg "Excuse me ma'am, do you work here?" Me: *grabs another donut & runs*
@Social_Mime: *calls restaurant* Me: Hi is your place a kid friendly restaurant? Host: Of course it is sir *hangs up*
@robdelaney: My niece just said "Birds live in a birdhouse & we live in a people house!" Cute, huh? Wrong; my niece is 26 & on trial for manslaughter.
@iRowlf: My girlfriend thinks that I can't cook, but as soon as I figure out how much Play-Doh is supposed to go in meatloaf, I'll prove her wrong.