@cathisamazing: I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
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@dumbbeezie: When you say you don't feel good "Are you pregnant?" -people without kids "Do you have to poop?" -people with kids
@AngelaEhh: If you see me longingly looking at you at the pub, i'm just wondering if you're going to eat all those nachos?
@charliedelta7: I taught my son how to spell beer so he'd stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.
@LeightonSaysHi: He told me he wanted a dirty girl so I didn't shower for two weeks. Now he won't return my calls. Forget women, MEN and their mixed signals!