@Dr_awfulpants: I don't want to criticize but whoever named them brownies wasn't trying very hard.
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@TheDailySchmuck: People have underestimated me my entire life, and they've been wrong on like two of those days.
@Reverend_Scott: [interview] "What's your strongest trait?" My fingers. "No, like... Are you pinching me??" GIVE ME [fighting to maintain pinch] THE JOB
@JasonLastname: LOST DOG: 4 year old border collie. Still living at home but doesn't know what to do with his life.