@Sassafrantz: I don't want to seem desperate after a date so I usually text him 10 years later when he has a wife and kids.
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@beardofprey: last night my dog shit on the floor then at some point the Roomba came and smeared it all over the house :D
@Marlebean: "Say TGIF ONE more time" I say, scowling at my coworker with no children, "Go ahead, say it again."
@murrman5: I sniffed my work shirt to see if it was too dirty. Unfortunately I work at a chloroform factory and woke up 6 hours late for my shift