@Sassafrantz: I don't want to seem desperate after a date so I usually text him 10 years later when he has a wife and kids.
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@d_duhwit: Neighbor: Hey I'm sick of your dog doing his business on my lawn. Me: Ok, sorry. *Walks over to my dog's lawn lemonade stand* Hey, I told you it has to be on our lawn.
@scorpicpanda: Actually, letting your dog run around the yard while wearing your Fitbit increases the numbers waaaaay better than putting it on your cat.