@Sassafrantz: I don't want to seem desperate after a date so I usually text him 10 years later when he has a wife and kids.
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@DeanB15: Straight guys on twitter, If you haven't been hit on by a gay guy on here take a long look at yourself & figure out what's wrong with you.
@BrokenPalabras: Ancient people: turned grapes into wine, agave into tequila, and sugar cane into rum. Modern people: turn soy, rice, or almonds into milk.
@JohnLyonTweets: I've never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
@delusions_of: What I said: "Let's get together sometime." What I meant: "Please forget you ever saw me."