@slimmy_shady: "I drive like lightening." "You drive fast?" "No. I hit trees."
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@ThaJawn: I grew up on cartoon violence So naturally, when I fight, it's a giant dust ball with stars and exclamation points flying about
@thepunningman: [doctors] "How long have I got?" "Not long. Two, three months" [casually places apple on desk] "Ok, ok, six. Just get that out of here!"
@FatherWithTwins: Remember: whatever fun game you invent for your kids, you're going to have to play it 10,000 times
@SteveSuckington: My doctor had a plate of McDonalds food that was a year old to show people that it never rots. The burger was dry but the fries were decent.