@brianbowman73: I dropped my ice cream cone on the ground and it landed pointy end up which made the Earth, at least for a moment, one giant topping.
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@MomofTeen: When emails tell me to "Act Now!," I immediately start reciting lines from Shakespeare.
@BlondieBGbb: Just read "four years after pregnancy 38% of moms still were not drinking" I think it's safe to say this survey was not done on Twitter.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can you hold my rubber ducky? Me: *takes the ducky* Why? 4: I dropped it in the toilet.
@Julian_Deane: With all the ways to contact me on social media these days the police still smash through my door unannounced again?