@brianbowman73: I dropped my ice cream cone on the ground and it landed pointy end up which made the Earth, at least for a moment, one giant topping.
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@Brianhopecomedy: To ensure my wife misses me while I'm away, I changed her text notification to the sound of a door creaking open & message her at midnight.
@KKAlThani: I wouldn't take a bullet for you but I'd definitely push someone in front of you to take it for you. Same thing.
@jbringsmayhem: 9: do they drink beer in heaven? Me: I kinda doubt it... 9: does somebody check for it at the gate? Me: ...
@RichHarris2: You can't force someone to love you. All you can do is hire a panda suit and wait outside their window reading sonnets.