@brakco: I dropped my phone, is everyone okay?!
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@brianbowman73: Her: My baby is 28 months old. Me: Oh really? I'm 74 inches tall. Not so fun when YOU have to do the math, is it?
@SexytotheNorth: *selects Warrant's Cherry Pie on jukebox. *starts dancing on counter top in cafe. *enjoys a piece of hot pie in back of police cruiser.
@AnOrangeSNES: I'm like Pac-Man because I travel in the dark to Dippin' Dots stands to eat them, all while getting chased by members of the Ku Klux Klan.
@G_Faylor: I crash my car. Hundreds of pairs of clean underwear instantly spill from my glove box protecting me from harm.