@brakco: I dropped my phone, is everyone okay?!
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@novicefather: I was gonna put on my cowboy hat and sit on my patio shirtless to showcase my abs when I realized I don't own a cowboy hat, a patio, or abs.
@__candypants: If you break up and get back together more than twice, I will not listen or care about your relationship problems you idiot.
@stephenjmolloy: Devil worshipper leader: "Due to a typo we have summoned the wrong demon." Stan: "Hey there."
@Scarlet_Rose67: Me: I have a younger sister but she's nothing like me. Him: Wow, she sounds perfect.