@ninjadinosaur1: I dropped my popcicle in the tub. I'm awfully sad. It was banana. Now it just tastes like bubble bath.
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@Cpin42: When I was 6 my cousin stole my boomerang. The next day his parents died in a car crash. Andy, if you’re reading this, I want my boomerang.
@politicalmath: I hate hipsters. Their smug faces, vegan diet, tiny feet & sawdust bedding. No wait. Hamsters. I hate hamsters.
@JillBidenVeep: Barack: Sign here, and here Joe: And then the adoption is final & you and Michelle are my parents? Barack: No, Joe