@Mindless4Miles: I ducked into a crowd of guys bro hugging as they left the bar, they didn't notice the stranger in their midst and I'm feeling so loved rn.
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@WheelTod: I failed a history exam, stood-up my girlfriend and accidentally bought a packet of figs today because I'm terrible with dates.
@PaperWash: I quit smoking cold turkey 1 year ago but sometimes I still get the urge to go into fridge and light up a slice
@pleatedjeans: [Batman in tears] Catwoman left me Oh no what happened?! I left the door open and she just bolted
@garrettbarry70: The hotel has a live band and my favourite song is "We're going for a break now, we'll be back later"