@CubanaMama82: I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it's obvious he had no idea how letters work.
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@itsWillyFerrell: Operator: "9-1-1 please hold..." Me: "Ok. Hey, stop stabbing me for a second." Murderer: "K."
@chuuew: ME: You're a silly sausage aren't you? SAUSAGE: [peering over spectacles] I may have acted out in my youth but that's not what defines me.
@KizerBillhelm: *on first date* Did you know that wool sweaters are the closest you can legally come to being inside a sheep?
@senderblock23: [someone reading a beautiful poem in german] ME: i have never been more frightened