@galiamango: I enjoy quaint, old-fashioned customs like being nice to people.
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@FatherWithTwins: Me: Look, even if you could breathe underwater, no one wants to be Aquaman. 4yo: Who's Aquaman? Me: EXACTLY!
@bombsydoll: girl at work scraped the frosting off her cake because there was 'too much' & it was 'too sweet' so I ate her frosting & then I ate her
@aspaul: I like my sentences like I like my women: awkward but with good colon usage and regular periods.
@dafloydsta: [speed dating] HER: So what do you- ME: How fast can you order a pizza? HER: I don't- ME: *hits buzzer* NEXT