@Fickle_Filly: I enjoy reading, long walks on the beach, and getting myself into situations where the only way out is to fake my own death.
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@KyleMcDowell86: CLICK HERE TO SUPPORT BREAST CANCER "okay" *click* WHY ARE YOU SUPPORTING BREAST CANCER U MONSTER "oh no" [mom from other room] WTF KYLE
@Parkerlawyer: My client's (soon to be ex) wife just flipped me off in the courthouse parking lot, so yeah, I'm obviously doing my job right.
@Sickayduh: [Lie detector] "You claim you can move an object by saying just one word. Is this true?" - Yes *needle going nuts* "I, sir, have been owned"
@AbbyHasIssues: A group of crows is called a murder. A group of people walking slowly in front of me at the store is called a motive.