@heykarlin: I feel bad for the children of Vegans because no one gets found when their picture's on the back of unsweetened organic almond milk.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@_Water_Baby: My TC promised me he likes it rough so, of course, I bought him a plane ticket. On United.
@PetrickSara: Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult.
@audipenny: Sorry I was asleep when you texted me and just woke up when we ran into each other just now
@Underchilde: My parents are in town and said they’d be at my house in ten minutes, and I’m wondering if that’s enough time to build a moat.