@NotMarkAllen: I feel like a taco salad is the worst way to eat a taco, and yet, the best way to eat a salad.
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@iGreenMonk: Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
@Douchekevin: If you ever saw me race to the liquor store 5 mins before it closes, you'd hire me for a getaway driver in a bank heist any day.
@DomBorrett: Christmas is becoming more and more commercialised every year. Pushing up prices in every sector This tweet is brought to you by Tesco