@buhsbaby_baby: I feel like auto-correct should know by now that I'd never ask anyone to "jazz" all over my face.
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@XplodingUnicorn: The most disappointing moment of my adult life was when I found out a vaporizer is an e-cigarette and not a death ray that vaporizes people.
@Gwinifer: Life with me is like a box of chocolates. You never know when you're going to get the crazy one filled with arsenic.
@SatansTongue: Tv: The abominable snowman is very dangerous "Obamanible snowman...?" *obama walks in* Everything okay joe? *nervously* "Uh yeah just fine"