@buhsbaby_baby: I feel like auto-correct should know by now that I'd never ask anyone to "jazz" all over my face.
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@MaraWilson: I get all snooty about Great British Bake Off contestants doing things wrong like two years ago I wasn't googling "what is shoe pastry"
@chagger73: I only watch Storage Wars to see if they find my ex's body. Just kidding. I like the show. And she's buried in the woods.
@Jenn_H_Scott: My 8yo just asked my permission to say "shit" to express his anger, so don't tell me I'm not raising a polite kid.
@that1bish27: "I traded my carpet in for bare floors" --coworker. "Oh, me too. I love the shaved look.", said me. Apparently, she really meant carpet.