@buhsbaby_baby: I feel like auto-correct should know by now that I'd never ask anyone to "jazz" all over my face.
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@wolfpupy: no matter what the government says no one can stop you from eating the bugs you find in your garden
@KalvinMacleod: [speed dating] ME: I like your hair HER: OK ME: And your teeth are so smiley HER: You know this is a job interview, right? ME: *rings bell*
@le_buns: *reheats leftovers from yesterday's dinner date* *takes bite* *waiter from last night knocks on window* "how's everything tasting folks"