@samalmightysam: I feel like trying new things in bed. Like getting up for instance.
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@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "Well, Mrs Jones, you are eating for two now!" Kate: "I'm pregnant?!" Doctor: "No. You have a tapeworm."
@direlog: i like how at the end of old movies it says ‘the end’ so you arent horrorstruck by the thought of a fictional universe persisting unobserved
@ArielDumas: Cat: What are you doing? Me: Nothing. Cat: You were looking at younger cats again. Me: No Cat: Show me your Instagram feed. Me: No way.
@weinerdog4life: I've been putting my sunglasses on and walking away from things in slow motion all day, nothing has exploded yet.