@samalmightysam: I feel like trying new things in bed. Like getting up for instance.
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@redherringbear: If you believe you can pass a drug test by drinking large amounts of water, you're just diluting yourself.
@abhorrent_wife: Hi, I'm Megan. You may know me from such public encounters with kids as "No, YOUR face is stupid" and "I didn't trip you, you fell".
@Brianhopecomedy: I hope that the missing puzzle piece my 5 year old has been searching the house for has nothing to do with my 2 year old's burp.