@shanethevein: I feel melancoll, meloncholl, melancholl, meloncholy, you know what, I'm good.
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@shesananteater: Boss: Where'd you go?? Me: I got all the way up front and realized I forgot my pen. Boss: Okay? Me: So I went to lunch.
@Jake_Vig: George Clooney and Brad Pitt fall in love and rob casinos together. #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly
@sploosk: ants can carry up to 5000 times their body weight?? pfft. watch this- *goes to stomp an ant but it grabs me & slams me thru a picnic table*
@simoncholland: You think you have a pretty strong marriage until you try to help your 5th grader with her math homework together.